The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Oh looky looky

It's been a coons age since I posted on here, sometimes I forget this even exists...then I come over here and realize...hey...whoa...

warning: this post contains dangerous levels of sarcasm, read with caution.

So, in the realm of marriage, the longer I'm NOT, the more I like it. But there are some problems. I'm being pursued fervently by a man who wants to be my guy. While I can appreciate the earnestness of his courting, I can also say that It makes me want to stab him. Seriously, when you tell someone straight up that you are NOT INTERESTED in a committment/ relationship/ exclusiveboyfriend/ overnighter/ blankethog/ snoring/ underwearleaver/ unromantic/ toiletseatleaverupper/ boring/ arguer/ controlfreak/ manipulator/ spiritsquasher AT THIS TIME.

So here's how I see it, if this person continues to pursue to WIN, then this is more like a competition and I'm being objectified. It has nothing to do with what I want or need, and everything to do with the pursuer and what he wants and THINKS he needs. I figure I have a few good years left to date hotties and have fun, so why would I want to settle down into the mundane existence of jail marriage after spending the better part of my adult years in this warped zone. hows about NO

I'm sure there are benefits to settling down, such as;
washing someone elses clothing
never being able to sleep
having to cook actual food
making someones lunch
flushing the toilet
replacing the toilet paper
hiding my purchases
taking the passwords off my emails
not ever talking or looking at another man
no flirting
no going out with friends
not acting immature
watching what they want to watch
going where they want to go
having to make your kid behave

the list goes on but I think you get the picture, marriage/committed relationships are stimilating? so tempting...sooooooooooooooo.

Because seriously, who needs sleep? You can sleep when you're dead. Who needs their personal space? That is over rated and selfish. And it's not in good taste to shop or spend money, frivolity is vain. No one needs friends or much less to go out with them, and looking at other men is just icky? As for independence why would I want to be out here on my lonely only when I could have the stable security of a 300lb hunk a burnin beer belly?

There you have it