The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Wow

I added my email on here. There have consistently been comments on an old thread for the post "top ten reasons I hate being married". Obviously there are a lot of hurting people out there who are "stuck". I can relate on a serious level, putting aside all the sarcasm and goofiness I normally post. If you are someone who has, or wants to comment on that post feel free to email me if you would like to converse about your issues. I'm pretty good with that sort of thing.


Over and Out

Some funny jokes a friend emailed to me:

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)
(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)


5. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

6. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !
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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt, Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma '

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'


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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor


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Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manua