The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

A Woman's Work is Never Done

My intention of this blog is not to dig on men, or make men/women pitted against each other, but rather bring up legitimate gripes that cause huge blow-ups, resentments, and bitterness in many a if you're a man reading this particular post, please bear with me, hear us out, and take this into consideration.

I realize I'm speaking from a female perspective, and some of the things I say might not make sense, because like it or not, male and female brains approach things differently. So I'm trying to think of a way to break this down so we can all be on the same page.

The issue brought up from my post yesterday is this: women feel that whether they work outside the home or not, it's their job to hold down the fort. They are frustrated, because some men feel if they put in their 40 hours at work, they should be able to come home, relax, and kick back etc.

Out of all the married couples I know, and including my own marriages, the majority of the relationships have this issue. I don't know where this frame of mind comes from. But something has to give. At some point, men and women are going to have to come to an understanding on this one, and get it figured out. Why can't we learn from our predecessors? Why can't we learn from past mistakes. What is it about us humans, that we are incapable of learning from our environment, taking these experiences and using them to better our current existence? Don't we all want to be happy?

Ok guys, what is it you don't get about this. If your wife works outside the home, what makes you think you are entitled to "free time" after work, and she is not? Or maybe you do agree she is entitled to free time, but you don't realize that if both of you take advantage of your free time nothing will get done? Why is this an issue, why do we have to argue about it?

Even if your wife doesn't work outside the home, but takes care of kids all day, it's the same thing.

I would suggest for couples struggling with this issue, make a list of your chores/jobs/tasks/ and expectations around the house. Each of you make a list of the things you do, or THINK you do. Then, swap lists. For one week, do the things on the other persons list.

If you've been married awhile, and there is something on that list you don't know how to do, I say SHAME ON YOU. You need to be part of a team. Teams work together, and team mates back each other up that means, when one is down, the other one picks up the slack. Both of you should know how to do the finances. Both of you should know how to run a freakin lawn mower. Both of you are capable of picking up the phone and hiring a plumber. It has nothing to do with "roles".....Stop with the role thing already.

People need to get a clue. All chores/tasks etc, are interchangeable. Just because you don't like to get dirty? That is too bad. Do it anyway. It's not about YOU, its about US. It's about doing whatever you need to do to get things done. If you both know all the aspects of your responsibilities, then if one person is sick, or hurt, the other one can step up to the plate. And if you aren't willing to do this? You suck.

I'll give you an example. For years and years, my sister has made her husbands lunch for him every night. They both work outside the home full time. One day, she said to me, why am I doing this? He doesn't make MY lunch. Do I get up in the morning and have a lunch waiting for me on the counter to take to work? NO.

why do we fall into these little traps? Why do we take for granted the things done for us? Why is it the wives responsibility to make her husbands lunch...Unless of course, there is a deal made. He agrees to wash up the dishes every morning, if she agrees to make his lunch. hmmmmm bet that doesn't happen much.

wives, ask yourself this: if you stopped doing these things for him, how would it affect him? Husbands, ask yourselves, if you didn't have your wife doing these little things for you, would you be able to do them for yourselves? And vice versa.

Try the above example of the list thing, or come up with something else, are there anymore suggestions from anyone on this subject and how to solve it?