The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Moving On

I thought I'd get back to our subject of marriage. Granted marriage can really suck, but it's still a part of 90% of our lives. So I feel obligated to talk about it.

I had considered writing a poem titled "Ode to the Missionary Position" in honor of marriage, but i have no idea what an Ode is. Maybe I should address how hard it is to do budgets and stuff like that. Then again, we would run into mathematics with that subject, so i'm not going there.

Perhaps we should talk about things that gross us out about our spouses? past and present? OK I'll start.

Skidmarks in the underwear have to be the total, ultimate romance killer. the day you are doing the laundry and you discover your man does not wipe good, it's pretty much over for you in the bedroom. That image, is forever scalded across your mindboard.

I really want to stress to all the men out there, how pertinent it is to wipe ones bottom after going poopoo in the potty. With either wet toilet paper, or a baby wipe. I hope i've made myself clear.

OK, one for the ladies. hmmmmmm
Wrap and Roll. ok, nuff said.

posted by Anonymous at 11:07 PM

8 comment(s):

Hello,
I do not know your name as yet. I found you via Barbara. You may be right when you say you are the queen of sarcasm. At times your sarcasm isn't spiteful at all; it has a tinge of unadulterated humor. One thing for sure - you are charisma in words and I will surely cross your paths because I have some ideas about your topics as well that have come from experiences in liasons.

By Blogger lovthyself, at 1:05 AM  

For women, it's how you guys talk to each other! You girls have some of the foulest words I've ever heard for everyday things, all of which I will not utter here!

Oh, and leaving hair all over the place. It's not gross, but it can be a bit annoying. :)

And just a note of defense for skidmarks... if I ever do that at all (which I don't) I'd throw the underwear away and light the dumpster on fire! I would never, ever leave that in the laundry!!! What are men thinking?

"Hm, she may see this, but... I don't care! Haw haw haw!"

Yeesh.

By Blogger Distant Timbers Echo, at 10:45 AM  

they make adult wipes now. get um. its so much easier on the touchie!

halitosis... that grosses me out. preventable good peeps... floss and brush.

man my teeth are feeling a bit fuzzy right now! *wanders off to brush her teeth*

good weekends to all.

By Blogger Mermaid Melanie, at 10:46 AM  

ewwwwwww. Yeah, that would kill it. I had a guy that once asked me to shave his back for him. Bleah.

By Blogger Saur♥Kraut, at 2:17 PM  

Hahaha! Skidmarks! Probably on whitey tightys with blown out waist-bands...
According to thefreedictionary.com an ode is a lyric poem of some length, usually of a serious or meditative nature and having an elevated style and formal stanzaic structure. Perfect for a tribute to the highest form of lovemaking and certainly more interesting than talking about budgets.

By Blogger Trib, at 2:21 PM  

That image, is forever scalded across your mindboard.


That was classic!!!!

Ok uhm, trimming toe nails while sitting on the family room couch. That gags me out.

By Blogger Scottsdale Girl, at 3:10 PM  

lov: join right on in!! i'd love your perspective.

redneck: i already had a heads up (pardon the pun) about the hair issue. i've always had complaints about that, because i have a lot of long hair, and it is everywhere. i try to keep it picked up, best i can cause even my son complains about it. and for all practical purposes too. because it clogs drains, and i hate unclogging drains. cause then people get all jealous of my plumbers crack.

melanie: i prefer huggies, jasmine scent, bigger, softer, and cozier. cheaper too. just don't flush em
on the subject of teeth? my first husband was horrible about remembering to brush his teeth. it was so awful. he was not a dirty smelly person, just really bad about the teeth, sometimes 3 days? i started putting his toothbrush in the shower, and asked him to please use it every day! i hated kissing him. HATED IT. and to further add insult to injury, when i left him, he bought nice cologne and brushed his damn teeth. why do people wait until someone dumps them to care about how they look?

saurkraut: that is so disgusting. what in adiot!! wait.. you didn't do it did you?

trib: oh, thanks for your tetbook definition of ode. seems to fit the subject of missionary position rightly so. i do suppose if you had problems with premature ejaculation, you could think ABOUT budgets during the missionary position, so as to distract yourself? right?

scottsdale: oh, i totally agree. those things flying all over, that really grosses me out!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 5:42 PM  

for men? wearing jogging pants with no underwear! talk about jingle dink...grosses me out (but oddly like a car accident - can't stop staring)

for women? I have to agree with redneck we do say some pretty weird shit. my favourite is "gotta take a slash" - my boyfriend absolutely loves it when I say this. (please note sarcasm)

By Blogger sassyglass, at 6:36 PM  

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