The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Top Ten's

We begin our series of Top Ten's. Today we will start with the top ten things you should never say to your spouse during romantic moments:

1. Can you move your butt, I can't see the TV
2. Did you brush your teeth today?
3. Do you smell that?
4. Were these pants always this hard to get off?
5. If my face was burned beyond recognition, would you still want to have sex with me?
6. If I suddenly contracted diabetes and gained 200 pounds would you still find me attractive?
7. Hey honey, wanna shave my backhair tonight?
8. I shut off the cable today
9. It's just a little "infection", stop making a big deal out of it.
0. This last one is open to you, bloggers, fill in the blank. Make me LAUGH til i need depends

22 comment(s):

I don't remember you having a birthmark there.

By Blogger Leslee, at 9:58 AM  

When was the last time you showered?

By Blogger Scottsdale Girl, at 3:02 PM  

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Laughing during the deed is never a good sign.

By Blogger EmmaSometimes, at 4:25 PM  

Let me take a cat nap; wake me up in 10 minutes.

By Blogger JBlue, at 6:31 PM  

leslee, now that would depend on how long you had known each other. and in case of substitutions, it could be bad

SG: can i call you that? can i shorten up that there name of yours? thanks. if i had to ask my man that, i would be in another room sleeping away from him, thats nasty

emma: i agree. that would kill a moment quicker than anything. now if you cackled, or squealed, that might work.

jublu: oh, is that kind of like the "shoulder tap"?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3:25 PM  

I am finished! Now go get me a pizza and a beer!

OR

Be right back, I think I forgot to wipe and flush in the bathroom.

By Blogger The Lazy Iguana, at 3:48 PM  

lazy got over here pretty fast. hmm i think he wants me

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:11 PM  

Did I ever tell you that you remind me of your dad?

By Blogger uncle joe, at 6:48 PM  

Did the dog crawl in bed with us?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:26 PM  

Uncle joe beat me to mine. Another one would be, "it's not going to suck itself"

By Blogger slopmaster, at 9:48 PM  

UJ: that is just GROSS i can't imagine doing that, or it could work the other way, you remind me of your mom

Cachinnator: that is creepin me a lot

slop: hmmm. that's a definite no no

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:00 PM  

-I KNEW I shouldn't have eaten all those beans!

-So that's what cellulite looks like.

-HeLLOooooooo, Big Mamma!

-HeLLOooooo, Itty Bitty Daddy!

Thanks for stopping by my blog. You've got a funny blog here.

By Blogger Jamie Dawn, at 11:25 PM  

Awwwwww! It looks so cute!

Umm You missed.

Wow I never knew humans had so much hair on their bodies.

Did you turn off the oven ?(or any other mundane household chore)

*Snore*

Oh (insert wrong name)!

Your deodorant/mouthwash is not working.

Oh that wasn't bad.

You want me to put THAT WHERE??

By Blogger EssCue, at 5:24 AM  

"At least you tried...maybe next time."

By Blogger Danke Shane, at 6:16 AM  

jamie dawn: glad you showed up. i had a feeling you have lots of good advice and funny tips for married people

esscue: your list ROCKS

shane: oh my gosh, i've actually SAID that!!!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:11 AM  

"I can't do this anymore. I'm married."

"Can you hear me now?"

By Blogger EmmaSometimes, at 11:56 AM  

"Just a sec, I gotta look up something."

By Blogger Redneck Nerdboy!, at 12:28 PM  

honey when you are finished just let me know,

By Blogger Nea, at 7:26 PM  

emma, you went twice, does that mean you're twice as bad and naughty?

redneckerson: like as in look up a dress or something?/

nea: that is just like a REAL thing and it is too pathetic, right?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:41 PM  

yep. haha

By Blogger Nea, at 10:48 PM  

hey, I have never had to say any of these things.

Why am I justifying myself?

I feel dirty

By Blogger EmmaSometimes, at 12:08 PM  

Is it in yet?

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:47 AM  

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