The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Control Vs. Shaping

HelloHello58 brought something up that sparked my interest in a discussion here.
I believe a lot of marital difficulties come when one spouse or the other feels one is trying to "control" them. In the case of a Good Wife (GW), or a Good Husband (GH), this is not it at all. People! this is not appropriate to try and control one another. We are not dogs, we are not kids, we are not robots. We are humans, and we have free will, and free choice, and free popcorn at the hardware store.

I prefer to call it "shaping". In fact, that is what any GW knows. And there is something inherent in our nature, that draws us to that "shaggy dog" and wants to nurture him, clean him up, and make him into a showdog. Am I right? Oh yes I am.

I'm sure there are some women who just start at the top, but they are lazy. Because no good things can come from someone that is already set in his/her ways. Now, this may seem bias, but get over it. I'm going to refer to the woman, finding the man.

Here are some irresistible characteristics that draw certain women to those shaggy dogs, some women are even turned on by some of these things, at first, but later find them to be completely inappropriate:

Driving a truck missing the drivers door
Possession of a beard in which his next snack can be found
Long, yellow, fungally infected toenails
dirty fingernails
Yellow teeth
Brown stains in his toilet
Skid marks in his underwear
Nothing but frozen dinners and beer in the fridge
Non ownership of a vacuum
non ownership of a waterpik
Listerine users
Wrinkly clothing
owning nothing but white socks
owning only one belt
having nothing but 2 pairs of shoes
wardrobe, that's a post all its own
sad,puppy dog eyes (they've perfected this one)
Poor cologne selection
Non ability to balance a checkbook, or even understand what one is for
Pictures hung to high on the wall
Idea of decoration is a few cactus, and some incense burners
No idea what a candlelit dinner is other than a possible excuse to put out a fire
Red fire extinguisher adorning the wall above the stove
Bathrooms that look as if 2,000 wildfire fighters just took showers there
Dogs that snuggle with dirty underpants
Hairy backs
Hair parted in the middle
Wearing hats they have owned for 20 years and never washed
Whip antenna's on their truck
Not even driving a truck, but driving some type of car such as a ford Taurus
Worst of all driving a ford or a dodge....BOWTIES RULE (had to get that out there)
Not knowing there are other medications available aside from Aspirin
owning the corner market on universal remote controls

that's a long list
but after we look at this, can you get any ideas how we may "shape" these things and turn them around for good? And I think everyone here can agree that these things do need to be rectified, and without a GW, they will remain as is, thus the man will never stand a chance in hell of becoming a GH because no potential GW will ever want him. And isn't every straight man's goal to catch himself a GW? Well, there you go. We're here to help, shape and direct. NOT CONTROL. It's for your own good!

9 comment(s):

Holy Cow QZ,
I agree with the shaping not control. I agree with our need to shape, although, if said shaggy dog wants to be a shaggy dog and continues to shake dirty bath water in his spouses face, the GW will really make herself crazy . I say take the shortcut and start with a good breed.

By Blogger EmmaSometimes, at 11:26 AM  

That's from the new book:

Men are Shaggy Dogs
Women are from the Dog Breeder.

By Blogger EmmaSometimes, at 12:45 PM  

All I can say is that I hope I never see a man like you describe. Oh wait. I have seen him. He has been in my office many times. Some of these poor guys have no clue, and apparently no GW to shape him up.

By Blogger EssCue, at 9:20 PM  

I think we call shaggy dogs "rednecks" around here.

By Blogger JBlue, at 8:11 PM  

emma, i think you might be insane. have you checked your temperature today?

esscue: i hope all the best for you in your new ventures

jublu: ok, its good to hear someone agrees with me

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:33 PM  

nothing turns me off more than bad breath. I watched Pirates II last night, throughout the whole movie, I kept wondering, can anyone smell the bad breath in the theater, besides me.......I never saw so many nasty looking teeth in one movie.

By Blogger Nea, at 7:35 PM  

the only thing I want to control is how often my husband showers and brushes his teeth, the rest is up to him......haha

By Blogger Nea, at 7:35 PM  

my first husband rarely brushed his teeth. it grossed me out so bad. he was not a dirty person, he just did not care. so i started putting the toothbrush in the shower, since he did manage to shower every day. once it was conveniently located, he did it once in awhile.

i also watched that pirate movie, and i could not even stand the sight of all those disgusting mouths. i'm a smell person and the visual, brought out the smell issue, and when she kissed jack sparrow, the thought of what it tasted like put me over the edge.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:48 PM  

and here I thought I was the only one who was grossed out by that kiss..........all I could think of was, OH YUK, I think no one brushed or bathed the whole just got crustier and dirtier as time went on, my daughter said, Mom it is ony a which I said, yeh, but why did the fortune teller have to have black teeth?

By Blogger Nea, at 10:53 PM  

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