World's Best Comebacks For a Mean Spouse
when having a family picture taken:ask them to turn around, pull down their pants, so their best side is showingAfter they say something entirely unnecessary and ridiculous:I'll allow you to re-phrase thatIf I pour a bottle of Preparation H on your head, will you disappear?
If I lift up that pony tail will I find an asshole?
Oops, you better close your mouth, there's a turd peeking out
How long did it take for your parents to come back for you?
Did it hurt your monkey mama when that head of yours came out?
Oh look, there's a picture of you on the back of the weed killer
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all and if you are just plain not nice? We'll see you when we clean out that closet next time we move.
Hey, I smell crap, were you scratching your head again?
What's that I see on your shoulder, is that a dorito? Or is that a Frito? How's about we get it off for you, HERE BIGFOOT, COME AND GET IT!!
Did your mom have any kids that lived?
If you had any balls, I'd use them for hacky sacks
Your mom just called, she wants her placenta back
Tomorrows Thursday (trash day), can you eat your breakfast on the curb? Here, wear these headphones and listen to some nice loud music. If things get dark for awhile, don't worry, there will be a light coming at you soon enough. If it's hot and red, then hey, YOU'RE HOME
I'm totally pulling these out of my butt as I go along, ok fine I admit to using a few of them. Will you add some for me while I try to think of more today?