The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

The Path of Least Resistance

Personally I think that marriage is the road that should be less traveled. Too many times people jump into a marriage without realizing the implications or long term effects. I'm sure it works out for a lot of folks but according to stat's, it only works for half. and out of that half, it only works again for half of the half. If that makes sense.

I just think there are some people out there who are not cut out for holy matrimony. If you do get married, you surely know how hard it can be, and what work it is. For some stupid reason, people seem to think that when they get married, it's the other persons lot in life to keep them happy. I say keep your own damn self happy and the same for your spouse. Then just have fun together and no one gets hurt.

Of course there are the people who don't realize they're not cut out for marriage until it's too late. And they can do one of two things. Stick it out, be miserable and make everyone else miserable, or bail. My father...he chose to bail. Not only did he bail on the marriage, but he bailed on us a long time before the marriage.

I never knew what a good marriage was supposed to look like. I thought all couples were repulsed from touching each other, and the ones who weren't were surely evil or sinners. I thought they all fought over money for groceries, or yelled at each other. I thought all dads were mean to their kids and never came home.

what the hell is my point? I don't even remember.

I think I hate that I've been divorced because it makes me look like a quitter. When I'm anything BUT a quitter. I fought like a maniac to fix things. And in the end I only quit because I was at the end of myself and no longer able to tolerate being treated like a doormat. I guess I sort of grew into myself.

I think making a marriage work is hard work, and I think the people who accomplish it can be seen as hard workers in other area's of their lives. I'm sort of a scrapper, and I always seem to be getting myself in the middle of some skirmish. I think it's because I don't tolerate unethical behaviors in myself, why would I tolerate them in others? So I call it like I see it, and I end up being the bad guy.

There is a decision to make at some point. As in a marriage, do you lower your expectations and standards, and just put up? Or do you stick to your guns and fight for what is right. Same with work. Do you lower yourself to the minimum standards like the rest of your co-horts, or do you excel, and take the heat.

For me, I would like to find a happy medium, but I don't know if that is possible. If I lower my standards, I let not only myself down, but I let down the people I work with and for. If you do this in a marriage, you are letting down your spouse and your kids if you have them. Its the same thing essentially, at least in my opinion.

I think I can tie this into the beginning of the post by saying that people seem to think that their job should make them happy and satisfy them. ANd to this end, I think that causes people not to do their best, because they don't want it to feel too much like work. They want it to be fun, and get paid for it. Well, its not about having fun. It's about doing your part in this society and pulling your weight. It's about doing what you are called to do, and filling a spot.

It doesn't matter to me whether you are a long haul truck driver or a brain surgeon. You are a needed individual and your value and intrinsic worth is the same to me. Every single person in this world that performs a job is contributing in some way. Be it a high paying job or merely a volunteer position. And I have to say, that i've had all sorts of jobs, and the hardest ones where the ones where I had to face the obstacles of scorn from others who did not excel and did not want me to excel because I made them look like slackers.

In marriage, if one spouse is a real go getter, and a great team player, the other one can either really apprciate this and feel blessed by it, or they can resent the hell out of that person and try to squash them. I think what I'm saying, is that my work ethic in marriage and in careers, has kept me in constant trouble with others all along.

Granted I've had plenty of positions where I was loved and appreciated, I've also had trouble in a lot of jobs because of jealousy and intimidation. Is it my responsibility to lower my standards to get along with others? Or is it my responsiblity to tow the line, do my best and let the chips fall where they may. Just a lot of things going through my head right now.

My only question is, why is the person that insists on doing it right the one who is wrong?

posted by Anonymous at 9:53 PM