Me so CornyI jess wanna say...I love you all..all my fans....but I'm gonna sell out to you here today, and say, I hate being single on Christmas I f'ing hate it. So there. I said it.
also I want to say, that although I visit your blogs, I'm probably not going to link here, because I'm just not. I don't want to leave too obvious of a trail, since it took some of you all of 2 minutes to find my other place. yup...had that one on the down low I did.
In other news, in order to spare myself from finding anymore assholes to marry, I'm gouging my eyes out, and tearing my ears off, ripping my olfactory organs out, and then I'll be safe. I won't be attracted to that which I can't see, hear or smell. Because I like to look, hear their voice and if they smell good, crap almighty, I'm a goner.
Therefore, in order to save me from my own self, I'm going to "disable" the "devices" which cause me to become attracted to men. Thus bringing about the celibacy that comes along with not desiring anyone. I can save a ton of money on nice underwear, hair, makeup and otherwise. I can just go around looking like crap and there won't be temptations.
So for this holiday season, I'm going to fly under the radar, mope that I'm not getting any gifts, and pretend I hate men.
On that note, I leave you with a list.
Top ten reasons I hate being single at Christmas:
10. It bites
9. It's lonely
8. The bed is cold
7. I'm at my sexual peak
6. The downstairs sink is broken
5. I have to do all the driving on our trip today
4. My lips are lonely
3. My kid hates me for us not having a "family" Christmas and having to travel out of town in order to find kith and kin, and told me last night 'WHY CAN'T YOU GET A BOYFRIEND SO WE CAN STAY HOME, MY WHOLE LIFE IS RUINED"...oh yeah, right kid, I can just snap my fingers, and presto, nice boyfriend appears.
2. There is no romance in my life
and the top reason
1. I do not get a gift. nothing. nadda. and I like gifts.
So my life sucks right now and if you're being a whine bag about your spouse, just shut up and appreciate what you have, because you could be like me, typing up a stupid list about being single, and not getting a gift so I don't want to hear about how he leaves the toilet lid up, or how he leaves his dirty underwear on the floor, or how he farts in bed, blahblahblah.
over and out