The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Thursday, January 11, 2007

New Series

Got this idea from some assclown that posted about 29 things women over 30 should not do. So here's my take on it.


DON'T
1. Date men over 40
2. Allow men to have possession of the remote control
3. Make husbands lunch for him
4. Put the toilet seat down. I think rather they should not only leave it up? but they should remove it entirely thus eliminating the argument over who left the seat up last. What happens in the restrooms when people are naughty and write stuff on the stalls? They remove the doors. So here we will remove the seat. And we will then let the man person squat to do his poopoo business, and then he will learn his lesson forever more.

5. Stock the fridge with snacks. Leave it empty, and if you have snacks hide them in your car or somewhere in the house he will never look like in the laundry hamper.

Don't shave your legs, just let the stubble take over and maybe you can let it get long enough where you can sell it at Christmas and use the money to buy him a gift.

Don't remember his families birthdays etc, just leave that to him, and hey. If he forgets, and they get upset, tell them you're sorry but in that accident five years ago, you were banged on the head and can no longer retain dates or information beyond that of what is currently happening. You are not even capable of writing things down because the tremor in your hand causes writing to be illegible, and you can't type on the computer. You can't buy the voice recognition program for the computer because hubby spent all your money gambling on the football game.

Make sure that when it's time for your anniversary, you leave little notes all over the house reminding him. But not in the way you would think. The notes should include such pertinent information as how many days til superbowl, how much extra money is in the account for him to buy beer and snacks, how many days until your sexual re-awakening, because football makes you horny. And when you get to that day, he will be all excited and you can say PSYCH, it's only our anniversary but thanks for showering, dressing up and bringing snacks!!

this will continue at a later date when I shall tell the men what not to do when they are over 40

6 comment(s):

So wouldn't that leave the woman without a toilet seat, too?

I think women over forty shouldn't date men over forty either! :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:31 AM  

So a 35 year-old woman shouldn't date a 41 year-old man? Hmmmm, good luck w/ that one.

And then you ARE both hosed w/ the toilet seat thing. That's like cutting off the nose to spite the face. Please tell me you don't have a coterie of girlfriends taking your sage advice. :)

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:04 PM  

catty: well yes...butt this is all in jest, so the technicality of the whole thing is lost on me

matt: NO ONE takes my advice, don't you know thats what is wrong with this stinkin world? i just made all this stuff up as a joke, i don't really mean it. i'll make up an even more stupider one about women. trust me, i'm not bias, although i play for the straight team.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:17 PM  

Hi QZ!

I bloghopped over here from Pointless Drivel and you have some very fun, entertaining stuff here. You also have some intelligent thoughts on the state of marriage. Kudos to you for a good blog!

Ian
Stop by and say hello

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:08 AM  

you're funny!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:18 PM  

I always hide my snacks in my tool box hahahahahaaha

By Blogger honkeie2, at 6:28 AM  

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