The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Friday, June 08, 2007

Do the Dishes or Die AssCLOWN

Well folks, we have our first brave soul who has submitted a question for me to ponder and spew forth wisdom. This comes from Winter of the solstice region.

"Okay I have a question, how can I make my Husband respect the fact that I need him to do ALL the dishes?
Because I promise you, I'll divorce him before I do any."

Well Winter, I have a few suggestions for you. Of course as with all of my words, you can take what you need and leave the rest.

Doing the dishes is a constant as with laundry. Without more details from you, I can only assume you have a husband who does not finish the task? Or maybe will not even start the task. There could be a myriad of reasons behind your concern. But the key word that I picked out from your question was RESPECT.

As in many marriages, this is the root of most problems. A general lack of respect for the wants, needs and preferences of the other person. Some men are lacking in the knowledge of the aforementioned triple threat. They just don't get it, plain and simple....or do they???? They can't see beyond their own world into the world of others, and why it is important for certain things to be certain ways. They are left brained, or whatever...we can just blame it on that so we don't get haters here. (notice I said "some" men so don't get all hateful on me guys)

Not that they are stupid, (far from it) they are just selectively stupid when it suits them. And most of the time that is in regard to household chores. IF they play stupid they believe they will frustrate you to the point where you will no longer ask them to do anything you will just do it yourself. And or they do it wrong every time. Either way, they feel they are getting out of it by playing like they don't understand, they don't remember, or they just don't know why you have to make a big deal over it.



I really do like men, I swear. I've been married to enough of them.

I do not have a cut and dry solution to this problem because it has to start with the foundation of respect. And I am just not deep enough or smart enough to know how to foster that in a grown man. I can only control myself, so I will tell you what YOU can do to lessen the frustrations you are feeling and prevent homicide in your home, or worse....DIVORCE..chokechoke


Ok, lets get serious here. I was just kidding, except the sleeping part, that usually takes me away of a good deal of struggles.

What would happen if you did not do the dishes and just left them for him? Does it bother him at all if there are dishes there? Well if it doesn't bother him, you need to make it bother him. You need to cook the most gargantuan meal ever, dirty every stinking pot in the house and then leave for the weekend for a getaway with your friends. Do not...I repeat DO NOT do the dishes. I don't care how much it bugs you. If he has no glasses to drink from or even measuring cups to drink out of, no casserole dishes to eat his cereal from, he will eventually do the damn dishes.

Do not shop, cook, clean or anything else until he concedes to do his part. Stay somewhere else for however long it takes to get your point across. Just tell him you will be back when he "gets it". But make sure wherever you are, you are eating well and having a lot of fun.

That was the most severe of my Mrs Pigglewiggle advice. If you can't bring yourself to do that, and talking gets you no where, club the asshole over the head and bury him in the backyard. It would be cheaper and less painful than a divorce.

The rest is up to you. How bad is it bugging you? How much do you want it to change? As I said before, and in all seriousness, you can only change you. So if YOU are enabling him to continue disrespecting your wishes by eventually doing the task, then YOU are the problem. I know no one likes to hear they are the problem when it's pretty obvious who the slacker is, but you have to be tough enough to do what it takes to bring about change. Don't let it fester for one more day. Brainstorm ways to get him to think it is HIS idea, and not yours. Men are so more apt to conform if they think it is their idea.

Ok, that's all I have for now. Peace be with you in your marital storms

15 comment(s):


I think I love you.

Actually we have a cleaning lady that does them for us.

I just wanted to ask you a question.

So how many times have you been married?

By Blogger Winter, at 1:22 PM  

well thanks for submitting, fake question or not it gives me something to do and practice

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:38 PM  

Fake question or not.. it was a great response!

I still would choose the Club. :o)

By Blogger Adventures In Waitressing, at 8:45 AM  

That will not work. Here are a few things that I feel I should point out to you.

1. I usually drink my beer right out of the bottle. I do not need any glasses to drink out of.

2. When I do need a glass, I can clean just one. When I am done using it I rinse it out and stick it in the freezer. I have used the same glass for weeks. Mostly I drink water out of a glass anyway. Washing it after every use is a waste.

3. Nothing to eat off? No problem! Frozen lasagna has its own dish.

4. Plastic forks, knives, spoons.

I suggest that Winter just downsize to exactly the amount of dishes that fit in the dishwasher, and get a sink large enough to hold them all. This way whatever you find in the dishwasher is clean. Dirty stuff just goes in the sink. When the sink is full the dishwasher is empty. Load it and press "start". Then the cycle begins again.

See how easy that was? Women always have to make things so complicated. Why do you need service for 20 anyway?

By Blogger The Lazy Iguana, at 11:19 PM  

Leave it to Iguana to keep it simple.

By Blogger Lynn@ZelleBlog, at 5:25 AM  

Even if it was a fake question loved the response!!!

By Blogger Cassie, at 1:45 PM  

How many men does it take to mop the floor, do the dishes, cook dinner, wash and iron the clothes, and scrub the bathroom?

ZERO. That's womens work.

By Anonymous ID kept secret so I do not get my ass kicked, at 12:24 PM  

adventures: clubbing is very helpful at times

lazy: the re using of the glass is sort of creepy, why don't you just buy paper cups? I drink out of a beer bottle too. I do like your idea about the dishwasher though

lynn: he is a simple man

cassie thanks

Lazy You can't hide from me. I have one for you, how many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none because they are too lazy they just live in the dark

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:07 PM  

QZ - if I am the only one who used the glass AND I drink mostly water out of it AND I rinse it out if I drink anything that is not water AND I keep it in the freezer so creepy crawlies can not multiply on it - why does it have to be washed after every use? Really. I am all about conservation here!

You are right. It takes zero men to change a light bulb. Us men LOVE flashlights. Need to get some guy a gift? Can't go wrong with a flashlight. I have a few LED flashlights. Who needs bulbs?

My dishwasher idea rules. Clean stuff is in the dishwasher, dirty stuff is in the sink. MY personal glass is in the freezer. When the sink is full the dish washer is empty, load it up (takes a minute or two) fill the thingies with detergent, press "start". Everything is now clean again.

Simple as can be.

By Blogger The Lazy Iguana, at 12:47 AM  


Winter needs to tell her husband to layoff the crack.

I've never really pondered a woman beyond her sexual abilities.

By Blogger Herr Krokodil, at 11:50 AM  

I put the oven on self clean mode but left the ashes in the thing. Would I get points for doing that? Does that count as "cleaning the oven"?

By Blogger The Lazy Iguana, at 12:13 AM  

That was so weird!
Funny question. Great answers.
I was happy to find out it wasn't a real question, though.

I had NO IDEA you were posting here again woman!!!

You're getting a spanking now!

By Blogger cathouse teri, at 4:24 PM  

I LOVE Lazy Iggy's solution.

By Blogger cathouse teri, at 4:25 PM  

I just used the shower as bidet.

By Blogger The Lazy Iguana, at 9:12 AM  

you are right. i am a stupid bitch of a problem. thank you for pointing this out. (she says with a smile). i will punch me in the face and do better in future.

this post makes me so pissed off that i don't know you in person.

but i will take blog-version of you over nothing at all. :)

By Blogger holly, at 2:30 PM  

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