The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Common Relationship Complaints

I don't nag. I simply clonk the man over the head with a shovel and feed his body to the feral cats.

The only thing Clingy about me is the residual blood stuck to the bottom of my shoes.

Too Available:
I'm available when I want to be, why I want to be and how I want to be. Nothing speaks "I'm gonna kill you in your sleep" like someone who attempts to define the appropriate amount of availability I have to provide for him.

This translates to someone who is always wanting to know where you are and who is around you. In these cases, I have to say one thing. I'M NOWHERE WITH NO ONE AND IF YOU KEEP THIS UP YOU ARE GOING TO BE SOMEWHERE, AND THAT SOMEWHERE IS GOING TO BE SIX FEET UNDER IN OUR BACK YARD. The only thing I'm insecure about is whether or not the police will discover the body before I'm able to leave the country.

So what took you so long at the store? Well, what took me so long at the store was that I was comparing prices, searching for gluten free products and frisking the boxboys. Is there a problem with that? Cause if there IS, I can frisk YOU but only not with my hands.

This is the person that is unable to define, understand or implement compromise. This person looks at you as if you just murdered their best friend when you mention the word "compromise". This is a person who doesn't even deserve a swift fate, but instead, they deserve to be taught a lessen on control. In this case, I would duct tape their arms and legs, put them in a shallow grave and slowly shovel dirt over their live body while they scream for mercy. See, in this way? They are learning they are NOT in control, I am. I inform them that if and when they agree to stop with their controlling buffoonery, I will release them from the confines of our natures clutches.


I just noticed that each of these subjects includes talk of violence. As you know, violence solves nothing and is also against the law. Please be aware that at no time have I administered any of these treatments, nor do I advocate their use. This is simply hypothetical and suggestive of a much deeper issue. That being my need for a healthy outlet in regards to my anger. Thank you and carry on.

4 comment(s):

LMAO...too funny! We think along the same lines. Mine involve more blood and guts though.

By Blogger Vixen, at 1:45 AM  

Thanks for this, ha!

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 10:13 PM  

This post is really valuable that designed for the new visitors. Pleasing work, keep on writing.

Discover Golov Nev

By Blogger nice man, at 2:22 AM  

My case is different for i know what Doctor Ehimen did for me this 2017. I was heart broken by my husband because i discovered that he has been cheating on me with his mistress and he filled a divorce on me December last year and i was confused on what to do. I searched for help around from spiritual helpers but all was to no avail not until i was referred to Doctor Ehimen by a co-worker who told me that he can help me out on my situation. I contacted him and explained what am passing through and he said to me that my case is different that if others are complaining about their marriages that mine will be different because i will keep on rejoicing about my marriage as far i have made contact with him. I did all what he told me to do and my husband came back to me within 12 to 16 hours and we are living in peace and harmony again. Viewers reading this article can E-mail him at ( ) or call +1 (914)-517-3229 for more info.

By Blogger Valeria Diego, at 6:33 PM  

Post a comment

<< Home