The Idiot's Guide To Marriage

That Grass.....

You know what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side? Well guess what..it is, and you know why? Because you didn't take care of yours...you didn't water, fertilize, weed etc, you dumb SONS O BITCHES.

Hey, when’s the last time you flossed your teeth, used mouthwash or washed your asscrack after taking a huge crap? That's what I thought...I think it's called complacency. Either that or just pure laziness, which is pretty much the same thing. That other word is more impressive though.

You know why so many marriages fail? It's not because you fall out of love with your partner, it is because you fall out of love with your own self. You don't take care of you, and it shows. You are slack on hygiene and keeping yourself looking sharp and fit, you don't have interests of your own, you don't date your spouse etcetc.

You get bored and it's your own damn fault. So why do you move onto the other side? Because that green grass over there is soft on the skin...it compliments your eyes, and camouflages your skanky teeth. It flatters, fondles and justifies...it gives affirmation and appreciation. You know why it does that? Because you are actually putting forth an effort to stroke it's pure luxury. The newness of it all makes your pulse throb and your limbs weak. You want to roll around in it; you want to be ON IT. That's nice...you wanna be friends with it.

Oops...you kinda slipped a little...now you have a big ole grass stain. Will the stain remover take that out? You're what? You're out of stain remover? so quickly?

Wow...I guess sometimes old dogs never change.

Get a clue peeps....bloom where you're planted or I'll slap you into next week.

posted by Anonymous at 2:49 PM